It was entirely hard for me to confess and admit that I am addicted to gambling. At first, I only gambled for quite a small amount of cash. I don’t often bet on games that I sure lose. But when I hit a big reward back then, I thought my chances went up. That is where I started thinking, “I might win big if I also bet a lot.” From then on, every time I gamble, I always bring a huge amount of money with me so that I can widen my chances of winning a huge amount of prices. I was so stupid to believe that my life would change for the better if I indulged in gambling my hard-earned money. I was so wrong.
Losing Friends And Family In A Blink Of An Eye
Things changed when I started losing everything. And when I say everything, it involves the significant aspects of my life that no money can amount to. My relationship with my wife suffered. I failed to communicate with her about the situation, and I never realized how hard it was for her to deal with me. As for my kids, I was always busy. I thought that my presence in the house is enough for my kids to notice me and that my gambling leisure is not affecting them. I always spent days and nights in casinos, and I was never there for my family, especially when they needed me the most.
I was so selfish and concentrated on gambling that I thought that is okay since my friends accompany me. But eventually, my peers realized that I was gambling not for leisure anymore and that I engage in the habit because I was addicted to it. Thus, they slowly kept their distance from me. I never knew I was alone until I realized that I was going to casinos all by myself.
Suffering From Declined Work Performance And Job Loss
It is not long after my work got affected by my gambling habits. I used to be a top performer in our company. I work diligently and productively that no office mates can match up to my skills. But after I got hooked on gambling, I lost all my time and energy for sleep. That is where my working performance got damaged. I couldn’t find time to relax my mind and body as I always feel pressured by many unfinished tasks in the office.
It was just a matter of days when my boss fired me, and I was so devastated. My job is all I have since my family left and my friends left me. So I was so concerned about getting it back. I was given a second chance, though. But after a few weeks, I blew it off again. I was not ready to quit my gambling habit, so I could not increase my performance level. That is where I lost my high-paying job permanently. I dealt with financial loss directed from my gambling addiction, and now I faced my only option, which is bankruptcy.
Experiencing Worst Anxiety And Depression
I always thought that gambling is good because it makes me happy. It allows me to have fun with life despite the stressors and many challenges I faced every day. I never felt the necessity to complain about sitting for hours watching the dealer tossing out the cards. But once I got home from what I thought is a happiness-filled experience, I succumbed to anxiety and depression.
I began to feel alone, and that scares me. I developed symptoms of depression that I often ignore because that is all I can do. I understand the damage to my gambling addiction, but I can’t seem to do anything about it. I want to convince myself that I am okay and that I do not need any help.
Deteriorating Physical Health
I know my decisions are something I would regret for the rest of my life. But I find it hard to quit my habit. I already lost my family, friends, stable job, so what else would I lose this time? I was certain that nothing is going to stop me from living my life the way I wanted. But that mentality is what makes it impossible to recover.
I now experienced physical health deterioration. I am suffering from chronic pains in my chest, blood pressure rising, and mood changes. I am also losing my cognitive ability due to my inability to sleep. I also find myself often strangled with muscle pain. Everything was deeply agonizing.
I know for certain that I won’t make it if I don’t seek professional advice. That is why I am seeing a counselor right now. I know that it will take me a long time before I can finally recover. But I am happy I seek out help.